I am glad the trip is here and over. I was thinking what to do during the trip and what to expect for the trip and how to face him... So finally it is over.. No more trips with him, hope i won't make this mistake again... So i'm glad.. Doesn't need to meet him or whatsoever, just remain as normal, basic friends will do.
I think my actions are quite obvious and actions speak louder than words. Hopefully i do not need to face him in any awkward situations anymore...I just find that he will only look for me when he needed something.
He just SMS me the other day to ask about the photos and called me the next few day to tell me that he wants to appeal for his exams results.
Anyway, can't really be bothered with him. Guess i will be travelling quite a lot this year. Went Kuala Lumpur in end February, just came back from Pualu Besar (an island off Mersing), will be heading off to Mount Kinabaru in April.. Heard that that is like the Mount Everest in Asia... Hmmm, makes me excited. Since now, no more exams worry, and still young, should try something more exciting, should be a good experience. Then will be travelling again to Genting in end April. Woah woahhhh... 4 trips to Malaysia in just 2 months...
Unfortunately, my best friend's birthday is on 18th April, haiz, will not be able to celebrate with her this year, will celebrate earlier with her then, but can't work for her that day. She might be disappointed since she still need to work that that. Haiz, can't help, if i don't go for the Mount Kinabaru trip, i do not know when i will have the chance to go.
Will update more on the trip when i'm back... Such an interesting month for me.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Using My Name In Their Family Dispute
Recently, a member in his family told me that the couple told everyone that I spoke bad about them. Although i do not want to get involved or whatsoever, however it pissed me off to know that they used my name during their quarrel which reflects me badly. I'm already "out" of the family, hence i find that it's inappropriate to mention my name at all. Even if i ever said something bad in the past, that's all in the past and i do not wish to bring those back, furthermore, this family is none of my business anymore (even though i'm still in good relations with the family members, which i wished i am not).
I still know about the happennings in the house, been updated ocassionally. Although i do not blame both of them, however, i do not like or wish to see them. The family members and relatives dote on me, still ask about me, which i'm really honoured..... I really appreciate the kindness showed to me and i know they felt bad towards me..... I actually didn't wants to talk about them (the unhappy memories) untill this incident came about.
I do not know how to reply to the email he sent to explain his side of story. He claims that he did not used my name instead the other party did, to piss him off.... Should i say, i really can't be bothered, just do not use my name or should i say, thanks for clarifying, i do not wish to comment as i am not in the picture myself, but do not use my name, or should i say, i understand the situation, please do not get me involved in future??
He has taken me out from his and my friendster's friend, not sure whether he do not want me to get reminded of him or he simply feels that he should take me off to be fair to 'her' now. I really do not know, do not wish to guess and do not want to think about.
I still know about the happennings in the house, been updated ocassionally. Although i do not blame both of them, however, i do not like or wish to see them. The family members and relatives dote on me, still ask about me, which i'm really honoured..... I really appreciate the kindness showed to me and i know they felt bad towards me..... I actually didn't wants to talk about them (the unhappy memories) untill this incident came about.
I do not know how to reply to the email he sent to explain his side of story. He claims that he did not used my name instead the other party did, to piss him off.... Should i say, i really can't be bothered, just do not use my name or should i say, thanks for clarifying, i do not wish to comment as i am not in the picture myself, but do not use my name, or should i say, i understand the situation, please do not get me involved in future??
He has taken me out from his and my friendster's friend, not sure whether he do not want me to get reminded of him or he simply feels that he should take me off to be fair to 'her' now. I really do not know, do not wish to guess and do not want to think about.
Monday, March 19, 2007
New Squeeze
After talking so much about my ex-boyfriend, you might have guess that the current one wasn't that good.
Jem finally realised something is amiss when he came to P to enjoy with his friends and maybe to look for me on Saturday. He SMS me in the afternoon asking why i haven't been SMSing him for long, about 2 days, told him that he seemed busy so didn't want to disturb him (of course this is not the real reason).
I walked up and down is table many times, try not to look at him or talk to him. He tried to talk to me whenever i moved to his table, i chatted for a short while and i moved away. He asked whether i was riding home and i told him yes because i would rather go home myself as i do not know how to face him at this point. He told me that he was not driving that night, so i was rather relief as most probably he will not wait for me since i riding back.
He left quite late with his friends about 3am, he walked over to where i am to ask again why haven't i SMS him these days, am i busy? Told him he also didn't SMS me, so he replied that he seldom SMS people and i said likewise for me, i seldom SMS people as well. He laughed it off by saying oh so it's the same. I hinted by saying bye to his friend who is waiting for him and he left.
He SMS me shortly to tell me to SMS him when i'm home. He droped me another SMS to apologize for not knowing how to love due to the things he been through and he's afraid, trying to pick up the broken pieces. He must has found that something is not right about the way i treat him and stuff like that.
Before i could reply him when i'm home, he called me, he asked whether i read his SMS, told him i'm just about to SMS him and he called. He told me to sleep early and we put down the phone. i SMS him my intended SMS anyway to reply what he had said. Told him that i do not feel that i am in a relationship or been loved, i'm also recovering from a failed relationship. But it doesn't help if i am the only one that keep trying. And his reply was: "Sorry, i really do not know what to do. I know this is not a good answer but... Sorry."
Nothing happened after that, no calls or SMS.
You must be wondering what has happened???
We came together only last Friday night (yes, supposed to be a honeymoon period isn't it?), and story goes:
Saturday:
He did not called or SMS me the whole day even though he was off that day, but he told me briefly that he was bringing his dog to Sentosa and that's it. No other information. I was waiting for him to call (isn't the man suppose to make the first move to break the ice or something as girls are usually too shy to do all these). Anyway, i couldn't wait so i called him before i reached my workplace about 7pm. He missed my call, eventually returned my call after 30mins later. He just told me that he is at Sentosa and now going to bathe the dog, so of course i said you go ahead then.
He SMS me around 11pm to tell me he's very tired, can't accompany me the next day to collect our trip's tickets as he needs to fetch his parents to IKEA to buy furniture, asked whether i could go myself. So been a rather considerate girlfriend, i told him it's ok i can go myself, told him to sleep early.
Sunday:
I went to collect the tickets myself, was expecting a call at least to ask how i am doing. No call at all till after 12 midnight. Thought he might spend the later time of the night with me or something since it's his off day, otherwise weekdays he is usually busy. Finally when he SMS and followed by a call after midnight, i was a little pissed off by the 'bo chap' attitude that i decided not to reply or pick up the call.
Monday:
He SMS me in the afternoon to ask whether i were available that day and Tuesday. Quite a number of SMS going through for the plans at night or tomorrow. Eventually, his class was cancelled that night so i met him earlier to catch a movie. He was there early, however he went to enquire for his course first. I SMS him when i was leaving the office, and when i reached, he is still at the course enquiry centre, so told me to go Paragon to pick up some stuff for him and utilmately meet him back at Cineleisure. I was surprised that he had not gotten the tickets since he was here early and he parked his car in this building anyway. If it was my ex-boyfriend, he might have gotten an earful from me, but... this is the honeymoon period isn't it?
So we catch a later time slot and went for dinner and arcade game. I find that i do not feel very comfortable with him in public, not sure why. Maybe i am not used to him yet or just uncomfortable. Anyway, after the movie i deicided to ride home myself since he was working early the next morning (considerate right?).
I tried calling him when i reached home, wanting to chat with him till he gets home (which i will usually do when he send me home), and to keep him awake through the drive back home. He did not picked up, called another time after 10 minutes, i think he off his phone. I started to become worried and panicked, I SMS him to asked whether he's home. He replied shortly he was and was discussing with his parents anout the course fees. So i replied telling him that i thought something happened to him and told him to sleep early.
Ok, at this point, i was telling myself, forget it, he wanted to catch his parents before they sleep, so didn't want to answer my call. I mean this is no big deal, i tried to find excuses for him that certain things he done was ok, no big deal, don't get so paranoid.
Tuesday:
He met me after his class and my company dinner. My boss fetched me home, so he waited at my void deck. He was talking about his course till late around 11pm then he told me he wanted to go to seaside to relax however he realise it's late. I knew that he was off the next day, so i do not mind going with him for a while. As my job is not so mind taxing and stressful, so i can afford to be a little tired at work (i did make an effort).
He told me that he needs to pack his room tomorrow, by the fengshui master, so i just nodded and told him i'll be going for badminton session anyway.
Wednesday:
No calls, no SMS the whole day. I was expecting at least a SMS since he is at home. I understand that at work, most of the time he may not be able to pick up call or SMS, hence i try not to SMS or call him during his working hours.
Finally, it's me who called again before i went for the badminton session at 7.30pm. He reply through SMS saying he was watching TV about an hour later. I told him i just want to see what he is doing. He then told me his ringing tone is quite soft so try to SMS instead.
What is this? I called him and instead of returning my call, he SMS me. I purposely placed my ringing tone to the loudest so i can hear while i'm playing.
Anyway, i concluded i had enough. Why am i the one always to tried calling him or SMS him, while he's not even bothered. He can't be bothered to meet me during his off days, not even a call or SMS. What is wrong with him?? I guess he knew most probably he will be getting off on Wednesday, that's why he wanted to meet me on Tueday. He did not tell me his schedule, that's fine since it might change, but he didn't even bother or make an effort to call or SMS. During his off days, he prefers to do his own stuffs, he did not even bothered to tell me what he did. He would just call or SMS the day he wants to meet me and i will try to make myself available? He didn't even bother to call back when i called. He would instead SMS. I decided to stop making an effort, no point i'm the only one trying as you need 2 hands to clap!
Thursday:
He SMS me in the afternoon, asking how was my day and at the same time, asked me to check with my friends or colleagues whether anyone is interested to take over his spa package that he signed up for recently.
I'm pissed. He usually SMS with an agenda. I just replied saying i will ask around.
And that's it for the day.
Friday:
No calls and SMS and nothing from me as well...
I've talked about Saturday in the beginning, so that's the whole story. Not sure whether i am being too sensitive or am i comparing, but most likely not. It's heaven and earth, that's no way of comparison but i just find that i had enough. I do not feel the love in this relationship. I know it's the starting, but there's no effort!! And it's just the first week. Where's the supposely honeymoon period?
I think i need to cool off to think about what i want and give him time to think about what he wants as well. I do not want to waste each other's time as i am not young anymore. But i think i have come to a decision...........
Jem finally realised something is amiss when he came to P to enjoy with his friends and maybe to look for me on Saturday. He SMS me in the afternoon asking why i haven't been SMSing him for long, about 2 days, told him that he seemed busy so didn't want to disturb him (of course this is not the real reason).
I walked up and down is table many times, try not to look at him or talk to him. He tried to talk to me whenever i moved to his table, i chatted for a short while and i moved away. He asked whether i was riding home and i told him yes because i would rather go home myself as i do not know how to face him at this point. He told me that he was not driving that night, so i was rather relief as most probably he will not wait for me since i riding back.
He left quite late with his friends about 3am, he walked over to where i am to ask again why haven't i SMS him these days, am i busy? Told him he also didn't SMS me, so he replied that he seldom SMS people and i said likewise for me, i seldom SMS people as well. He laughed it off by saying oh so it's the same. I hinted by saying bye to his friend who is waiting for him and he left.
He SMS me shortly to tell me to SMS him when i'm home. He droped me another SMS to apologize for not knowing how to love due to the things he been through and he's afraid, trying to pick up the broken pieces. He must has found that something is not right about the way i treat him and stuff like that.
Before i could reply him when i'm home, he called me, he asked whether i read his SMS, told him i'm just about to SMS him and he called. He told me to sleep early and we put down the phone. i SMS him my intended SMS anyway to reply what he had said. Told him that i do not feel that i am in a relationship or been loved, i'm also recovering from a failed relationship. But it doesn't help if i am the only one that keep trying. And his reply was: "Sorry, i really do not know what to do. I know this is not a good answer but... Sorry."
Nothing happened after that, no calls or SMS.
You must be wondering what has happened???
We came together only last Friday night (yes, supposed to be a honeymoon period isn't it?), and story goes:
Saturday:
He did not called or SMS me the whole day even though he was off that day, but he told me briefly that he was bringing his dog to Sentosa and that's it. No other information. I was waiting for him to call (isn't the man suppose to make the first move to break the ice or something as girls are usually too shy to do all these). Anyway, i couldn't wait so i called him before i reached my workplace about 7pm. He missed my call, eventually returned my call after 30mins later. He just told me that he is at Sentosa and now going to bathe the dog, so of course i said you go ahead then.
He SMS me around 11pm to tell me he's very tired, can't accompany me the next day to collect our trip's tickets as he needs to fetch his parents to IKEA to buy furniture, asked whether i could go myself. So been a rather considerate girlfriend, i told him it's ok i can go myself, told him to sleep early.
Sunday:
I went to collect the tickets myself, was expecting a call at least to ask how i am doing. No call at all till after 12 midnight. Thought he might spend the later time of the night with me or something since it's his off day, otherwise weekdays he is usually busy. Finally when he SMS and followed by a call after midnight, i was a little pissed off by the 'bo chap' attitude that i decided not to reply or pick up the call.
Monday:
He SMS me in the afternoon to ask whether i were available that day and Tuesday. Quite a number of SMS going through for the plans at night or tomorrow. Eventually, his class was cancelled that night so i met him earlier to catch a movie. He was there early, however he went to enquire for his course first. I SMS him when i was leaving the office, and when i reached, he is still at the course enquiry centre, so told me to go Paragon to pick up some stuff for him and utilmately meet him back at Cineleisure. I was surprised that he had not gotten the tickets since he was here early and he parked his car in this building anyway. If it was my ex-boyfriend, he might have gotten an earful from me, but... this is the honeymoon period isn't it?
So we catch a later time slot and went for dinner and arcade game. I find that i do not feel very comfortable with him in public, not sure why. Maybe i am not used to him yet or just uncomfortable. Anyway, after the movie i deicided to ride home myself since he was working early the next morning (considerate right?).
I tried calling him when i reached home, wanting to chat with him till he gets home (which i will usually do when he send me home), and to keep him awake through the drive back home. He did not picked up, called another time after 10 minutes, i think he off his phone. I started to become worried and panicked, I SMS him to asked whether he's home. He replied shortly he was and was discussing with his parents anout the course fees. So i replied telling him that i thought something happened to him and told him to sleep early.
Ok, at this point, i was telling myself, forget it, he wanted to catch his parents before they sleep, so didn't want to answer my call. I mean this is no big deal, i tried to find excuses for him that certain things he done was ok, no big deal, don't get so paranoid.
Tuesday:
He met me after his class and my company dinner. My boss fetched me home, so he waited at my void deck. He was talking about his course till late around 11pm then he told me he wanted to go to seaside to relax however he realise it's late. I knew that he was off the next day, so i do not mind going with him for a while. As my job is not so mind taxing and stressful, so i can afford to be a little tired at work (i did make an effort).
He told me that he needs to pack his room tomorrow, by the fengshui master, so i just nodded and told him i'll be going for badminton session anyway.
Wednesday:
No calls, no SMS the whole day. I was expecting at least a SMS since he is at home. I understand that at work, most of the time he may not be able to pick up call or SMS, hence i try not to SMS or call him during his working hours.
Finally, it's me who called again before i went for the badminton session at 7.30pm. He reply through SMS saying he was watching TV about an hour later. I told him i just want to see what he is doing. He then told me his ringing tone is quite soft so try to SMS instead.
What is this? I called him and instead of returning my call, he SMS me. I purposely placed my ringing tone to the loudest so i can hear while i'm playing.
Anyway, i concluded i had enough. Why am i the one always to tried calling him or SMS him, while he's not even bothered. He can't be bothered to meet me during his off days, not even a call or SMS. What is wrong with him?? I guess he knew most probably he will be getting off on Wednesday, that's why he wanted to meet me on Tueday. He did not tell me his schedule, that's fine since it might change, but he didn't even bother or make an effort to call or SMS. During his off days, he prefers to do his own stuffs, he did not even bothered to tell me what he did. He would just call or SMS the day he wants to meet me and i will try to make myself available? He didn't even bother to call back when i called. He would instead SMS. I decided to stop making an effort, no point i'm the only one trying as you need 2 hands to clap!
Thursday:
He SMS me in the afternoon, asking how was my day and at the same time, asked me to check with my friends or colleagues whether anyone is interested to take over his spa package that he signed up for recently.
I'm pissed. He usually SMS with an agenda. I just replied saying i will ask around.
And that's it for the day.
Friday:
No calls and SMS and nothing from me as well...
I've talked about Saturday in the beginning, so that's the whole story. Not sure whether i am being too sensitive or am i comparing, but most likely not. It's heaven and earth, that's no way of comparison but i just find that i had enough. I do not feel the love in this relationship. I know it's the starting, but there's no effort!! And it's just the first week. Where's the supposely honeymoon period?
I think i need to cool off to think about what i want and give him time to think about what he wants as well. I do not want to waste each other's time as i am not young anymore. But i think i have come to a decision...........
Friday, March 16, 2007
Long Long Time Ago
I was doing part-time waitressing in Compass Ross Restaurant (now known as Equinox) on the 71st storey of Westin Hotel (now known as Swissotel). I rotated from being a Hostess, to a waitress in the Compass Ross Bar, to the Compass Ross Restaurant. I was in my poly first year then when I started. Every night after work about 1am, some of us will go for supper with my captains and managers to the hawker centre next to Allson Hotel. There is this guy Ronald who was interested in me, but after going out with him for the first time alone, I knew he was not the one for me. He is proud, arrogant and childish. I prefer someone more matured thinking as i am one whom i think is a matured individual.
Anyway, my first encounter with him (Dan) was when we were the last 2 to leave after collecting our vouchers after work. He was also working part-time with Ronald and me, and very often we went out for supper after work as a group. I remembered I needed to collect some stuff on another floor, so I asked him to wait for me. We started talking and he asked for my pager number (last time I am still using pager number, which was more than 5 years ago). He was a cute guy with a boyish look, small eyes with single eye lid. I guessed we were smitten by each other.
We started chatting on the phone, went out a couple of times alone. I knew he has fallen for me. By the way, he is 1 year younger than me, so he was waiting for his O level results at that time.
So on June 28, 2000, which was his 19th birthday, we went dinner at a Japanese Restaurant in Suntec City. When he sent me home at night, we walked from Ang Mo Kio central back to my house, which is 5 bus-stops away. He held my hand at the last traffic light before my house, asking me to be his girlfriend, I do like him, but I do not know how to react in this kind of situation. We stand at my void deck for some time that seems like hours, not too sure how to react. Eventually, after much prompting, I agree but with a 3 months probation (seems like what is shown in TV isn’t it? Maybe I have learnt that from TV).
The first 3 months was sweet, real honeymoon period, although we do have our little couple fights here and there. He asked whether he has passed his probation, i shyly told him that the probation was extended for another 3 months for review again. But of course, in my heart he passed it with flying colours which i have never told him. Anyway he should know, otherwise we wouldn't be together for so long.
He was such a sweetie, nice, understanding and considerate person, with a good temper. Me, on the other hand, being a bad-tempered person, often quarrel with him over things like:
- Sunday should be for me, not going for soccer or watching soccer. I know I was selfish, all his time was mine. We had a few talks and quarrel about it and I changed to accept soccer in his life. He was patient during these quarrels and give in to me almost every time, which resulted in me being such a stubborn person and expect him to give in to me every time.
- I remembered once he gotten a handmade name bookmark for me at Bugis secretly, I got angry with him for whispering to his friend and not telling me. Even after he revealed he was telling his friend he got that bookmark for me and had placed it secretly in my bag. I felt bad, but at the same time the ego in me just wouldn’t give in. I told him he shouldn’t have whispered and didn’t want to tell me a thing when I prompted.
- There are many silly, small incidents that I picked on to quarrel, however what makes things worse was that I am someone who got angry and takes a long time to forgive. If he did not coax me, I will get even angrier but every time he tried, I would give him a cold shoulder, ignored him, do anything to piss him off. I guess you have not met someone as unreasonable as me I believe.
These are some examples of the silly little and big quarrels that we often fight about. However the 5 years was really great (from the bottom of my heart). Couples usually have a few months of honeymoon period, but with him, everyday in the 5 years relationship was a honeymoon to him. I have never told him this or that I was fortunate or so. I do not show my emotions out easily and do not really know how to express myself. Now, it’s too late. I will never ever be able to tell him all these.
All or almost most of my friends felt that he is at fault for going out with someone new so soon, even his own parents and maid think he is at fault. I know myself, that it was all me and the timings. I tried hard to salvage but without avail. He had already set his mind to give up on me, hence nothing I said or do helped. I was devastated, cried myself to sleep almost everyday and even went to the toilet to cry at times of work whenever I think of him. This is my longest and happiest relationship and now it was shattered.
For more than a year after we broke off in November 2005, I still could not seems to find anyone like him, not to say someone better than him. It is not that I wanted to compare but there really isn’t anyone (that likes me) that can really treat me that well…. Not even now…
News 93.8 mentioned that we got to forgive ourselves before we can learn to forgive others. I have tried, but whenever I think of this, I can’t help blaming myself for all that I have done.
He tried to msn me before and we chatted for a little while, which he said he’s glad that we are talking and we are still friends. I didn’t want to not because I hated him but rather I do not want to think about him, I just want to quickly forget about him, so I will not be sad.
All these happy and sad moments started to flow into my mind when I meet someone worse now.
I have met someone great whom I do not know how to treasure, hence I need to let go of him to someone who knows better how to treasure him, and I’m glad it is happening now. I think I have changed quite a bit for the better of course and Patsy, my best friend said to me this as well. Hopefully I will learn to treasure the special someone when he comes along.
Anyway, my first encounter with him (Dan) was when we were the last 2 to leave after collecting our vouchers after work. He was also working part-time with Ronald and me, and very often we went out for supper after work as a group. I remembered I needed to collect some stuff on another floor, so I asked him to wait for me. We started talking and he asked for my pager number (last time I am still using pager number, which was more than 5 years ago). He was a cute guy with a boyish look, small eyes with single eye lid. I guessed we were smitten by each other.
We started chatting on the phone, went out a couple of times alone. I knew he has fallen for me. By the way, he is 1 year younger than me, so he was waiting for his O level results at that time.
So on June 28, 2000, which was his 19th birthday, we went dinner at a Japanese Restaurant in Suntec City. When he sent me home at night, we walked from Ang Mo Kio central back to my house, which is 5 bus-stops away. He held my hand at the last traffic light before my house, asking me to be his girlfriend, I do like him, but I do not know how to react in this kind of situation. We stand at my void deck for some time that seems like hours, not too sure how to react. Eventually, after much prompting, I agree but with a 3 months probation (seems like what is shown in TV isn’t it? Maybe I have learnt that from TV).
The first 3 months was sweet, real honeymoon period, although we do have our little couple fights here and there. He asked whether he has passed his probation, i shyly told him that the probation was extended for another 3 months for review again. But of course, in my heart he passed it with flying colours which i have never told him. Anyway he should know, otherwise we wouldn't be together for so long.
He was such a sweetie, nice, understanding and considerate person, with a good temper. Me, on the other hand, being a bad-tempered person, often quarrel with him over things like:
- Sunday should be for me, not going for soccer or watching soccer. I know I was selfish, all his time was mine. We had a few talks and quarrel about it and I changed to accept soccer in his life. He was patient during these quarrels and give in to me almost every time, which resulted in me being such a stubborn person and expect him to give in to me every time.
- I remembered once he gotten a handmade name bookmark for me at Bugis secretly, I got angry with him for whispering to his friend and not telling me. Even after he revealed he was telling his friend he got that bookmark for me and had placed it secretly in my bag. I felt bad, but at the same time the ego in me just wouldn’t give in. I told him he shouldn’t have whispered and didn’t want to tell me a thing when I prompted.
- There are many silly, small incidents that I picked on to quarrel, however what makes things worse was that I am someone who got angry and takes a long time to forgive. If he did not coax me, I will get even angrier but every time he tried, I would give him a cold shoulder, ignored him, do anything to piss him off. I guess you have not met someone as unreasonable as me I believe.
These are some examples of the silly little and big quarrels that we often fight about. However the 5 years was really great (from the bottom of my heart). Couples usually have a few months of honeymoon period, but with him, everyday in the 5 years relationship was a honeymoon to him. I have never told him this or that I was fortunate or so. I do not show my emotions out easily and do not really know how to express myself. Now, it’s too late. I will never ever be able to tell him all these.
All or almost most of my friends felt that he is at fault for going out with someone new so soon, even his own parents and maid think he is at fault. I know myself, that it was all me and the timings. I tried hard to salvage but without avail. He had already set his mind to give up on me, hence nothing I said or do helped. I was devastated, cried myself to sleep almost everyday and even went to the toilet to cry at times of work whenever I think of him. This is my longest and happiest relationship and now it was shattered.
For more than a year after we broke off in November 2005, I still could not seems to find anyone like him, not to say someone better than him. It is not that I wanted to compare but there really isn’t anyone (that likes me) that can really treat me that well…. Not even now…
News 93.8 mentioned that we got to forgive ourselves before we can learn to forgive others. I have tried, but whenever I think of this, I can’t help blaming myself for all that I have done.
He tried to msn me before and we chatted for a little while, which he said he’s glad that we are talking and we are still friends. I didn’t want to not because I hated him but rather I do not want to think about him, I just want to quickly forget about him, so I will not be sad.
All these happy and sad moments started to flow into my mind when I meet someone worse now.
I have met someone great whom I do not know how to treasure, hence I need to let go of him to someone who knows better how to treasure him, and I’m glad it is happening now. I think I have changed quite a bit for the better of course and Patsy, my best friend said to me this as well. Hopefully I will learn to treasure the special someone when he comes along.
Starting Up
Can't remember my login for the previous blog site for the whole morning so i have decided to re-do on another site.
It has been a long time since i do this after my break-up with my boyfriend of 5 years plus. He introduced me to blogs, especially xiaxue's, which is his friend's friend. I started writing because of him and stop because of him and now starting again... on a new site...
We broke off more than a year ago, it's a long time ago but i still love him the best and he is still the best even though i was not attached for this whole year till now. He is attached not long after we broke off with someone i know. I am really sad for all these that happened even though i know that it is very much my fault that things turned out this way. Because of my bad temper and stubborness. I blamed myself seriously for these that happened, that i give up someone so valuable. Nevertheless, glad (can't bring myself to be happy) that they are very happy together and very much in love. I told myself that the one so fortunately is suppose to be me. Anyway, i know this is over and it can never be the same again.
I think I have changed for the better (my temper and all) at least for a little. I have become more independent, adopted a 'can't really be bothered' attitude and perm my hair for that matter.. Haha.. I believe that i will not meet someone rare like him anymore. There are many guys around me however none has really moved me or make me like him.
I have many things to update but not sure how to start off...
Just finished my final semester of my degree programme, waiting for results at the moment, should be arriving sometime in May i guess. Finally, 2 years of hard work, no-life are over. Now it seems like i have so much time, don't know how to spend. Actually not really, was busy with work as well, aiming for promotion at the same time looking out for jobs... Really happy that it's over, may take up a Japanese course to revitalise my Japanese and to spend those spare time.
Not sure what to expect at the moment, so just taking things easy and naturally when it comes. I'm matured by nature or maybe from my upbringing, so i tend to think a lot or more before i make a decision but somethings not, especially when it comes to love matters. Anyway regarding this, nothing to comment at the moment, not too sure what to say about that, may end faster than i expected but not sure how to bring this up....
Sometimes, people just do not treasure the things, the people around them until they lose them. What a pity... Often there are no second chances given and the person might live with regrets. So try to treasure everyone and things around you before it's gone. I try to do these now, even though it's still far from perfect. I hope i really can do this well and not miss the next nice person that comes along.
Think that's all for this virgin post after so long.
It has been a long time since i do this after my break-up with my boyfriend of 5 years plus. He introduced me to blogs, especially xiaxue's, which is his friend's friend. I started writing because of him and stop because of him and now starting again... on a new site...
We broke off more than a year ago, it's a long time ago but i still love him the best and he is still the best even though i was not attached for this whole year till now. He is attached not long after we broke off with someone i know. I am really sad for all these that happened even though i know that it is very much my fault that things turned out this way. Because of my bad temper and stubborness. I blamed myself seriously for these that happened, that i give up someone so valuable. Nevertheless, glad (can't bring myself to be happy) that they are very happy together and very much in love. I told myself that the one so fortunately is suppose to be me. Anyway, i know this is over and it can never be the same again.
I think I have changed for the better (my temper and all) at least for a little. I have become more independent, adopted a 'can't really be bothered' attitude and perm my hair for that matter.. Haha.. I believe that i will not meet someone rare like him anymore. There are many guys around me however none has really moved me or make me like him.
I have many things to update but not sure how to start off...
Just finished my final semester of my degree programme, waiting for results at the moment, should be arriving sometime in May i guess. Finally, 2 years of hard work, no-life are over. Now it seems like i have so much time, don't know how to spend. Actually not really, was busy with work as well, aiming for promotion at the same time looking out for jobs... Really happy that it's over, may take up a Japanese course to revitalise my Japanese and to spend those spare time.
Not sure what to expect at the moment, so just taking things easy and naturally when it comes. I'm matured by nature or maybe from my upbringing, so i tend to think a lot or more before i make a decision but somethings not, especially when it comes to love matters. Anyway regarding this, nothing to comment at the moment, not too sure what to say about that, may end faster than i expected but not sure how to bring this up....
Sometimes, people just do not treasure the things, the people around them until they lose them. What a pity... Often there are no second chances given and the person might live with regrets. So try to treasure everyone and things around you before it's gone. I try to do these now, even though it's still far from perfect. I hope i really can do this well and not miss the next nice person that comes along.
Think that's all for this virgin post after so long.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)