I was doing part-time waitressing in Compass Ross Restaurant (now known as Equinox) on the 71st storey of Westin Hotel (now known as Swissotel). I rotated from being a Hostess, to a waitress in the Compass Ross Bar, to the Compass Ross Restaurant. I was in my poly first year then when I started. Every night after work about 1am, some of us will go for supper with my captains and managers to the hawker centre next to Allson Hotel. There is this guy Ronald who was interested in me, but after going out with him for the first time alone, I knew he was not the one for me. He is proud, arrogant and childish. I prefer someone more matured thinking as i am one whom i think is a matured individual.
Anyway, my first encounter with him (Dan) was when we were the last 2 to leave after collecting our vouchers after work. He was also working part-time with Ronald and me, and very often we went out for supper after work as a group. I remembered I needed to collect some stuff on another floor, so I asked him to wait for me. We started talking and he asked for my pager number (last time I am still using pager number, which was more than 5 years ago). He was a cute guy with a boyish look, small eyes with single eye lid. I guessed we were smitten by each other.
We started chatting on the phone, went out a couple of times alone. I knew he has fallen for me. By the way, he is 1 year younger than me, so he was waiting for his O level results at that time.
So on June 28, 2000, which was his 19th birthday, we went dinner at a Japanese Restaurant in Suntec City. When he sent me home at night, we walked from Ang Mo Kio central back to my house, which is 5 bus-stops away. He held my hand at the last traffic light before my house, asking me to be his girlfriend, I do like him, but I do not know how to react in this kind of situation. We stand at my void deck for some time that seems like hours, not too sure how to react. Eventually, after much prompting, I agree but with a 3 months probation (seems like what is shown in TV isn’t it? Maybe I have learnt that from TV).
The first 3 months was sweet, real honeymoon period, although we do have our little couple fights here and there. He asked whether he has passed his probation, i shyly told him that the probation was extended for another 3 months for review again. But of course, in my heart he passed it with flying colours which i have never told him. Anyway he should know, otherwise we wouldn't be together for so long.
He was such a sweetie, nice, understanding and considerate person, with a good temper. Me, on the other hand, being a bad-tempered person, often quarrel with him over things like:
- Sunday should be for me, not going for soccer or watching soccer. I know I was selfish, all his time was mine. We had a few talks and quarrel about it and I changed to accept soccer in his life. He was patient during these quarrels and give in to me almost every time, which resulted in me being such a stubborn person and expect him to give in to me every time.
- I remembered once he gotten a handmade name bookmark for me at Bugis secretly, I got angry with him for whispering to his friend and not telling me. Even after he revealed he was telling his friend he got that bookmark for me and had placed it secretly in my bag. I felt bad, but at the same time the ego in me just wouldn’t give in. I told him he shouldn’t have whispered and didn’t want to tell me a thing when I prompted.
- There are many silly, small incidents that I picked on to quarrel, however what makes things worse was that I am someone who got angry and takes a long time to forgive. If he did not coax me, I will get even angrier but every time he tried, I would give him a cold shoulder, ignored him, do anything to piss him off. I guess you have not met someone as unreasonable as me I believe.
These are some examples of the silly little and big quarrels that we often fight about. However the 5 years was really great (from the bottom of my heart). Couples usually have a few months of honeymoon period, but with him, everyday in the 5 years relationship was a honeymoon to him. I have never told him this or that I was fortunate or so. I do not show my emotions out easily and do not really know how to express myself. Now, it’s too late. I will never ever be able to tell him all these.
All or almost most of my friends felt that he is at fault for going out with someone new so soon, even his own parents and maid think he is at fault. I know myself, that it was all me and the timings. I tried hard to salvage but without avail. He had already set his mind to give up on me, hence nothing I said or do helped. I was devastated, cried myself to sleep almost everyday and even went to the toilet to cry at times of work whenever I think of him. This is my longest and happiest relationship and now it was shattered.
For more than a year after we broke off in November 2005, I still could not seems to find anyone like him, not to say someone better than him. It is not that I wanted to compare but there really isn’t anyone (that likes me) that can really treat me that well…. Not even now…
News 93.8 mentioned that we got to forgive ourselves before we can learn to forgive others. I have tried, but whenever I think of this, I can’t help blaming myself for all that I have done.
He tried to msn me before and we chatted for a little while, which he said he’s glad that we are talking and we are still friends. I didn’t want to not because I hated him but rather I do not want to think about him, I just want to quickly forget about him, so I will not be sad.
All these happy and sad moments started to flow into my mind when I meet someone worse now.
I have met someone great whom I do not know how to treasure, hence I need to let go of him to someone who knows better how to treasure him, and I’m glad it is happening now. I think I have changed quite a bit for the better of course and Patsy, my best friend said to me this as well. Hopefully I will learn to treasure the special someone when he comes along.
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